Here is an interesting article I recently read that reflects some of my thoughts.
Why be honest with your children about Santa?
Isn't Santa Claus supposed to be a magical childhood experience that enriches the lives of children? Before you answer yes to that question you may want to take a closer look at how the Santa "concept" really effects children. What appears to be a delightful childhood fantasy is actually an out dated concept that uses lies, threats and the promises of rewards to control children. When children discover the truth about Santa they experience sadness, regrets and a sense of betrayal. Where is the magic in that?
Many families claim that the value of the fantasy far outweighs the disappointments that children feel when they find out that Santa is only make-believe. They recount their childhood stories of all the excitement and anticipation of the presents they received from Santa and express how cherished those memories are. They want to recreate those experiences for their children so they continue to tell the Santa myth and sing the Santa song and pretend there really is a Santa.
Let's take a closer at the Santa Claus Is Coming to Town song. It says, ". he knows when you have been bad or good so be good for goodness sake". Or as many children hear, "Santa is watching you, you better be good". "If you are not good Santa won't bring you toys." What happened to be good for goodness sake?
One woman who worked at a department store during the holidays told me that she had the perfect way to make customers' children behave. Whenever a child wasn't listening to their parent she would tell them that Santa had cameras all over the store and he could see them being bad. So they better stop or they wouldn't get any toys this year. She took great pride in the fact that this trick worked every time. What a creepy idea that Santa is watching you all the time and is judging you and may even punish you.
Then there are the contradictions to the "being good" theory. A little girl was placed in my childcare through child protective service because of neglect and abuse. After the holidays several children were talking about the exciting gifts they got from Santa. One child said that she was so good that Santa brought her the bike she really wanted. Later, in a very meek voice, the little girl who had suffered abuse said she had been good too so when was Santa going to bring her bike? It was heartbreaking. This is only one of many examples of the how the Santa myth sets children up for disappointment and self-doubt.
At about age five children start to wonder and even ask, "Is Santa Claus real? How can he make it to all the houses in one night? How can he fit down the chimney? We don't have a chimney so how can Santa come to my house? How can this be Santa when we just saw him at another store? Do reindeer really fly?" For every one of these questions there must be more fantasy (lies) to keep the myth alive just a little longer.
When children finally figure out for themselves or their parents confess that Santa is make-believe it can feel like a huge betrayal. People that they trust the most have been telling them that Santa is real. Some adults think that it is okay to lie to children when it is for their own good. That may be true in some cases but where is the good of a short-term fantasy that damages a child's core sense of trust?
Times have changed. We cannot recreate our childhood fantasies for our children because the world we grew up in doesn't exist anymore. I am not suggesting that we do away with the Santa myth all together. What I recommend to families is that they teach their children the Santa Game.
Children are excellent at pretend games and enjoy them immensely. The Santa game is just pretend too but the difference is that all the players know it is a game. Adults can explain to children that not all families play the game or that some children don't know it is a game. This information explains why Santa doesn't come to all families or why some children think Santa is real. It also clears up why some children don't get what they want from Santa even when they have been "good".
My two grandsons, now ages nine and ten, were taught the Santa game and equally enjoyed the magic and excitement that other children get from the Santa myth. The most important difference is that they didn't suffer the disillusionment and sense of betrayal that other children have with the Santa myth. So, "You better not lie, I am telling you why," a child's trust and happiness is at stake.
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Dawn Fry is the founder and CEO of Helping Our Children Productions, a publishing company that provides educational CD's giving practical help to parents and childcare providers resulting in happier, friendlier children. Ms. Fry has been a licensed childcare provider and educator for twenty-two years. She has more than 60,000 hours of professional experience working with children. Dawn Fry is also a mother and a grandmother.
Then there are moments like these.....
I sure do love that boy!
